Man oh man can I relate. I almost feel bad for the way I have been "neglecting" my unborn baby. What I mean by that is there is huge difference between the two pregnancies. I definitely don't talk to Emery as much as I did with Chloe. I don't put a flashlight to my belly and wonder if she can see it. I don't put headphones on my tummy playing our favorite songs as well as special lullabies we picked out for her. James doesn't kiss my belly every night like he did last time. I don't sit there and ponder what she will look like or dream of what she will become as I did with our first. I just don't have the time.
Sure, I love my unborn child, but I feel like the days of being in bliss over being with child are over. Instead I worry. I worry what it will be like to have a toddler who likes to throw tantrums and run around endlessly and a needy newborn at the same time. I worry how I am going to hold both of them in my arms at the same time with a huge diaper bag on my shoulder, while walking up and down the stairs to get to our door. I worry how Chloe will be with a baby, if she can be gentle enough. I worry how I am going to find the time to make Chloe still feel special. What about the time I need to bond with this little one all by herself without having to share it with her big sister?
It's crazy that in a moment where I am supposed to be on cloud 9 waiting for this bundle of joy to come, I feel exhausted, stressed, tired, cranky and sad. Sad to see our little family is already going to have to change when we just started getting in rhythm. I feel like I didn't get enough "alone time" with Chloe.
We have made more of an effort for quality family time within these last short months. We go to the park on Fridays, we stay at home wayyyyyy more often. We sit and play with Chloe when other things need to be done around the house. We snuggle with her every night until she falls asleep. Man, I am going to miss this.
I know this is all in God's perfect timing and that has helped me cope with coming to terms that I will have 2 kids under the age of 1 and a half. I know it will be exhausting, but God will give me strength. He will help me persevere. I will find joy in the little things, a smile, a coo, a laugh, a snuggle. I know that Chloe will be loved and we have so many family members to help her still feel special when the baby comes. I know God will be with me every step of the way. I just need to give my anxiety up to Him and He will fill me with happiness and peace. It's always much easier said than done, am I right?
Now only if I can stop stressing of what might be and relish in the beautiful times we have now. I'm definitely working on that. Excuse me while I go love on my wonderful husband and delightful daughter. Have a great Easter!
