Q&A: My Testimony

There is something powerful about a testimony. It's something others can relate to. It speaks beauty and truth. It shows vulnerability and weakness (something all humans struggle with, but don't really like to admit). It's something that shows just how wonderful and amazing our God is. I love hearing other people's testimony. It makes me happy to hear about one more person who found peace in their soul and lives to share His word and His glory.

I didn't find the lord until I was 21 years old. I thought I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life, what morals I wanted to have and the standards I wanted to live my life by. It's strange because I took 21 years of my life to figure out who I am and what I stood for. Then when I found the Lord, I had to reconstruct my life all over again. Finding Him seriously turns your life upside down and inside out, but it a good great way.

I had a pretty rough childhood. My family loved each other very much, but we are all pretty hot headed and stubborn and that can get in the way sometimes.  We have come a long way from how our dynamic use to be. We were kinda crazy when I was younger. There was a lot of fighting, screaming, cursing and anger. My dad pretty much abandoned us when I was 12. He wanted a new life with a new family and it felt like he didn't want any of us anymore. He moved away to the South and we only spoke on Christmas every year. I tried to pretend like I didn't care, but it was pure heartache. I was not one to fill the void with other guys (Thank the Lord for that!). Instead I became extremely independent. I didn't need my dad and I didn't need anyone else.

Then my step dad moved in and we never really got along (until I was older). He was a marine drill sergeant and I think that was all he knew how to be for a long time. My sisters and I always got into fights with him and my mom and him would fight too. I felt like it was just an angry household. I was angry at a lot of people and I held on to that anger for many many years. I took that anger out on the people who loved me most and I think the rest of my family did the same. We knew we loved each other, but I feel we just didn't know how to handle the stresses of life that came our way.

As I got older, I tried to avoid my family as much as possible. Since it seemed like all my family ever did was fight, I figured it was best to avoid them all together. I tried to keep myself super busy. I had a job at a movie theater, I was super involved in school and clubs and I tried to always make it a point to never be home. It was easier my senior year because my family would go away on weekend trips all the time. I would have to stay home to work and then the off times I would have my friends over to keep me company. Pushing myself away from my family made me depend more on my friends.

I found a sense of belonging with my friends, yet I still felt like something was missing. I never knew what that something was and I never fully realized how big of a hole I had in my heart until later in life.

When I was younger, I was always open to who God was, but I never really felt in my heart that I really had any interest to learn anything about Christianity or God. I didn't really know anyone who was super close to me and openly shared about there faith. So I felt like I wasn't really exposed to Him very much.

Fast forward to when I was 21 and dating James. He had been a Christian pretty much his whole life. He was not as strong in his faith around the time that we started dating, but for some reason, one Sunday he felt compelled to go to church. He asked me to come along, and I am always interested in people's beliefs and religions (even if I don't feel the same way) and so I went to see what it was all about. As soon as the service was over, I was HOOKED! God really pulled at my heartstrings. I asked James all sorts of questions about Christianity and what it meant to be a Christian. I wanted to learn more and I wanted to feel more of what I felt on that Sunday. We started going to church pretty regular after that. We really just jumped right in. A couple of months later we started attending the College Group. That was where I really learned so much of who He is and what my purpose in life was. Being surrounded by people my own age who were on fire for Him blew my mind and helped me grow so much.

The thing that God really helped me with was FORGIVENESS. He forgives me each and every day, for minor and major things. He forgave all my transgressions from my past, the things that I am very ashamed about. He helped me to forgive myself so that I can let go and grow. He helped me forgive those who have hurt me and wronged me so I could move on. He made it possible to forgive my father and my family so that now we can grow with love and respect for one another.

The hole that had once existed in my heart filled with Him. He saved me. He forgave me. He loved me. I am still so amazed at the grace and mercy he shows me with every new day.

I would LOVE to hear your testimony. If you have written a post with your testimony, just linked it up below. And if you haven't, I encourage you to do so. You just never know who might need to hear what you have to say.

Q&A: Tattoos

 I was asked a lot about our tattoos. I had posted some pictures of some of our tattoos a while ago, but I will go more in depth as to what/why/when/where we got them and all that fun stuff. I don't know if I will put all of them up, as I don't have great pictures of some of them, but I will do my best. Hold on to your hat, this may be a long post.... (I don't have pictures of all my tattoos, but I will try and shift through as many old pictures that I can to find most of them.)

I have always been surrounded my family friends (most of whom where my parents friends from the military) who have a lot of tattoos and knew that I wanted them ever since I was an early teenager. I believe tattoos are just another way of expressing yourself, much like how someone dresses or styles there hair, only it's permanent. I like that they give an artsy appeal to the person who has them. I really love most of my tattoos because they encompass my feminine side while still being sort of edgy. It's another way that I can show off my love of girly artwork and ladylike flair.

My first 3 tattoos

When I was 18 I got my first tattoo, just because I could. I didn't put much thought into the tattoo, I just wanted something really general that hopefully wouldn't be outdated in 10 years. There was no meaning behind it, I think I was just trying to be somewhat rebellious.  It was a lower back tattoo (yes, I have one of those) that consist of 3 stars with spirals in them. I couldn't decide on what colors I wanted, so I told the artist I would be back to finish it when I decided. I went back a month later and that artist had moved on, so it never got finished. I have had the opportunity to finish it later in life, but I would rather spend the money on a new tattoo instead. I kind of like that it is unfinished because I will show my children what happens when you get a tattoo just because you think your cool and don't put any thought into it.

My second tattoo was 3 years later when I was 21. James had a friend who was tattooing named Ray Jon. This time I knew that I wanted some type of flowers, but I couldn't decide on what type because my favorite flower usually changes from time to time. I wanted something bright and fun. I knew I wanted something organic that "flowed" well with my body. I ended up getting orange flowers that flowed up and over my left shoulder blade. This was back in 2006. It looked great at the time, but now that I have some awesome tattoos that of much better quality that are located right next to it, it looks pretty bad in comparison. Someday I would love to get these touched up with my current artist.


My next tattoo I got was my giant peacock from Susan Kidder. She is the same artist that tattoos all of my "aunts". This is by far my biggest tattoo. It is a peacock that sprawls across my back from my right shoulder blade to the bottom of my left hip. The peacock is sitting on apple blossom tree that wraps over my right shoulder cap to the top quarter of my arm I have been obsessed with peacocks for many years. I love that peacocks represent beauty and I always knew I wanted one tattooed on me (this was well before the big peacock craze). Unfortunately, I went on a Hawaii trip a couple days after most of the blue body was done and because I was out in the sun so much while it was still healing, the blue on the body of the peacock had faded a little (but that's a different story). It is so free flowing, organic and very detailed. It took about 25 hours of work. I love how realistic it looks. This is one of my most favorite tattoos that I have.

Bejeweled tattoos from our wedding. Our wedding was skull & tattooed themed.

The next two tattoos I had gotten were in the beginning of 2008. They both are from flash art by my favorite artist Angelique Houtkamp . I received Angelique's art book as a gift from the husband and I loved her art so much I literally wanted everything in it tattooed on me. After I realized how ridiculous that sounded, I settled on two of them that really stood out to me. Both of these were done on the same day by Guf at Tattoo Royale. Guf is now our permanent tattoo artist. His colors are so vibrant and I have never had an issue with fading yet. I decided to get two birds with human heads tattooed on my right upper arm. I love birds, so I knew that I wanted more bird tattoos. Birds give me the feeling of happiness, optimism, and being free. Both of the birds from Angelique's drawings have a 1920's feel to them, which is one of my favorite fashion eras. I also wanted to get an owl since I went to school for education and wanted to get something symbolic of wisdom.

My next one was a lock and key that James and I both have to commemorate our love and our bond that we have with each other.  Now the sucky thing about the tattoo is I can't claim it as my own. It was created from a remote tattoo design that I had saw a picture of one time and absolutely loved. I figured that since I didn't know the person who had this tattoo and would never ever see this person, then why not? I would definitely never claim that I came up with the idea, but I didn't think it would be all that bad to copy most of it. So we drew up the key to match it and got them tattooed. I didn't really think about how much of a bad idea that was. To take something that was probably very personal to that person and try and make it my own was not right. I have had people who have asked my permission to copy my tattoos and to be honest, I tell them I don't think they should that it is something personal to me. I don't regret getting a tattoo to honor James and I getting married, but I do regret not coming up with something more original. Please, don't judge me based on this for now I have to live with that reminder tattooed on me forever. 

In 2009, I got my "lucky me" tattoo. This was created from another Angelique flash art that I had. Now, I believe in God and I do believe that luck is really just being incredibly blessed by Him. However, because I did not grow up Christian, I had always been known as a lucky gal. So that was the inspiration for my next tattoo. You really are only as lucky as you think you are, and I, my friends, happen to be extremely lucky.The horseshoe is on the back of my upper right arm. It really fits well with the rest of my feminine and colorful tattoos. Sometimes I forget it's there because I never see it, but then when I do catch a glimpse, I love it. It's a good reminder for me to always be optimistic.

Not only am I obsessed with Angelique Houtkamp and birds, I am also obsessed with Russian dolls (I know, a lot of obsessions). This is a design my artist and I came up with. We wanted the faces to go well with the birds faces and the 20's style hair. I wanted it to look like me with blue eyes and dark hair (even if it isn't natural hair color). I use to always wear a flower in my hair. Seriously, every. day.  I wanted a cross in the center because Jesus is at the center of my life. We threw in some pretty filigree and a bow and made it all sorts of girly and also included a traditional rose. It is locate on the outside of my right forearm. I just love it love it love it (in Jim Gaffigan voice).

My latest tattoo is for my daughter, Chloe. I got this one this year just a couple months after she was born. I decided that I would get a replica of the necklace that I made while I was pregnant with her initial on it. I wore it almost every day. It has a C on it with her birth date (now I'll never forget it!) and we used her birthstone in replace of the pearl. It is located on the outside of my right wrist. I am thinking of making it to look like a bracelet when I get the rest of my arm filled in, to finish off the sleeve. It is definitely the tattoo that gets the most exposure and people are always asking me about it. It's nice that I have a way of keeping Chloe "with me" even when I am away.

So there you have it. I think I covered all of them. This post was much too long to have James' tattoos included in here. Maybe I will have him post about his someday. His are pretty rad.