Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Pregnancy is not always beautiful


I am so excited about the little miracle growing inside of me. Although, I have cried once or twice lately saying I don't know if I can do this anymore. Being pregnant not only changes how you look on the outside, but it takes a toll on your insides too.

I have had 3 weeks of incredible lack of sleep due to my stomach pains and my boobs aching like no other. I wake up about every 2 hours because I can never get comfortable and I have to pee so bad it hurts. I pass out on the way home from work everyday, which seems best now that my motion sickness has returned with a vengeance. I have to take a bath everyday to get somewhat comfortable enough to take a little nap.

I feel like I haven't seen anyone in ages. I have been the victim of "morning sickness" (aka all day, make you want to lie in a fetal position with your head in the toilet- sickness). I luckily only had to miss one day of work, but I tell you that throwing up at work and trying to not make it obvious is no easy task. My whole entire stomach feels like its trying to lurch out my throat, and gives me no advanced warning.

I can't even think about eating. NOTHING sounds good to me, not even water! I am starving, yet any type of food repulses me to no end and I would rather throw up the nothingness left inside of me then let anything get near my mouth. I can't even brush my tongue in the morning without gagging 3 times.

Now I have tried every trick in the book. Ginger and peppermint tea, crackers non stop, even before I take my head off my pillow when I wake up in the morning. I wear the motion sickness bracelets like they are now a part of my skin. It's kind of ridiculous the remedies I go through.

We haven't made any plans because I always seem to have to cancel at the last minute due to my uncontrollable nausea.

Other than morning sickness, I have some really gnarly gas. I mean, I can out burp James and my sister's frog-like belches with not even a hint of trying. And those gas bubbles and rumbles just don't stop. It feels like I am boiling water inside my tummy. Speaking of gas, as much I can pass gas, you think I would be able to have a good bowel movement every now and then. Nope... NADA. I mean, I can only poop about every 3 days and even then it is extremely tiresome and nothing to feel proud of.

I feel like I am going crazy. I have been crying a lot lately, finding some things terribly sad or incredibly frustrating and I am forgetting things much too easily for my own good.

I cling onto only two positive thoughts right now: If I am this sick, that means the baby is here to stay and there is a very good chance there will be no miscarriage. This is the most comforting news! And that most women wake up feeling absolutely in the best shape of there entire life on the morning of the first day of there second trimester. That means only 2.5 weeks left of this sluggish moving, sloshing belly, about to faint at any given minute feeling!

btw... much to Rachel's dismay, I am 90% positive we are having a little baby boy, I just feel it in my bones, or, belly? Not only is it just a feeling, but Crystal has predicted the sex of many of the babies in our family and she has been correct so far and she thinks it's a mini James too. AND Kara told us about how the fun and mythical ways the doctors in Costa Rica figure out the sex, the whole needle of the wrist thing, which also confirmed it was a boy. So to me, the votes are unanimous. We will have a baby boy and Danger will be his middle name. Although if we have our little Chloe, we will love her just as much and she will be just as welcomed.

My wonderful husband stands by me through it all, getting anything and everything I need. He won't let me do any house chores lately and has really shown me that he is here for me, no matter how much I complain and whine. I feel like a disgusting slob because I can't even bring myself to care about what I look like when I feel this bad, but James still tells me how beautiful he thinks I am everyday. He tells me that I am being so strong and courageous, even though I was just a puddle on the floor crying 2 minutes earlier. I tell you he is one amazing man and will be the father I always wished I had. I am so excited to have someone as wonderful as him to go through this with.

I can't wait to get to the next trimester. I want to see the baby's heart beat again and I can't wait until I get to see him once more on that little screen, this time looking even more like a little human. I want that baby glow in my cheeks and have a big, round, beautiful belly!

Momma Michelle
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